reunion volume 3

When I was about 10, my cousin, my sister and I decided it would be fun to sing a song for the family at the reunion. I am not sure about other reunions but on my side of the family, it's all about singing songs. Usually songs about god. So we sang The Lord Said to Noah. It's a kids song that tells the tale of Noah obviously. At the end there is a really cute (and by cute, I mean lame) part when you say "IT SUNK, KERPLUNK, WHAT A ROTTEN PIECE OF JUNK!" The oldies just loved it. My grandparents were pretty stoked that we were so involved.

So the next couple of years we continued to sing 'the song' even though, at this point, my sister was, like, 16 and only came to the reunion because her boyfriends Trans-Am broke down and they couldn't go and not practice safe sex somewhere.

Fastforward to when I am 13. It's the year I get my period, my first face covering of acne and a severe case of self loathing. My sister has dropped out of the group (and highschool) and my cousin is hanging in there because she's an ass kissing suck up who would never hurt anyone's feelings. She wants to wear some matching suck-assy dresses and I am wild-eyed desperate to somehow back out.

After 17 pleading long distance calls to my mother (we spent the summers apart) she manages to convince me that my grandparents are going to die soon and I MUST get up there and sing that song. One more for the road type of thing.

So there I am. Giant diaper sized first 'Kotex' jammed in my granny panties, matching tee shirts with my super-shiny cousin, acne poking through the 6 applications of Clearasil 'skin tone' (ya right!) head down, singing "theres gonna be a floody floody" barely audibly.

At the end two people clapped. Seriously. My grandparents. Total humiliation. God bless those bastards.