good day sunshine

Well what the fuck?
Can today start out worse? I think not!
The fire alarm went off first thing. My husband is running around like a jack-ass and because he's being a jack ass, it just keeps going off. So up I get to discover that the fire is raging in the woodstove. And by raging, I mean the black cast iron (or whatever) is nearly glowing red. I can't get within 10 feet of it. He's wondering why the smoke alarm is going off? Jack Arse.
So as I am standing there fanning the smoke detector with a pair of his dirty underwear I conveniently found right on the floor, my daughter starts screaming I PEED ALL OVER MY BED AND FLOOR WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
I can't see anything because I fell asleep last night with my contacts in and the heat from the fire has fused the dried out little discs to my half-shut lids.

I suddenly flash back to 1990.
I was going to live in New York and be a famous photographer.
I was going to live my life differently than everybody else.

At no point was I going to fan a smoke detector with a pair of dirty ginch, in my house on the cul-de-sac, with toddlers screaming about bodily functions, and a husband who refuses to cut me some kindling (whole 'nother story)

I also had no plans of my body looking like this and crying over the fact that nobody respects a SAHM!

Geeesh.