Stupid Cat

Yesterday my asshole of a cat caught a bird and proudly brought it to me on the back deck much to the horror of my 3 year olds. One of my daughters screams NOW IT'S DEAD which shocks me because I didn't even know she knew that word. The t.v. is not raising them nearly as well as I had hoped. So I try to usher them inside and, as they are going, my other daughter is asking "why he deaded it?" So seconds before I open my mouth I realize how horribly ill-prepared I am for this conversation. Even I was surprised to find out what I was going to say. So I launch into this whole thing about the spring and the autumn and the leaves and the sun and the earth and the deer and the snow and they are just staring at me blankly. Just staring. No expressions at all. So to clarify, I explain about the birds and the bees and the gravitational pull of the moon. They just walk away and one daughter says to the other "maybe she'll put it in the nest and it will fly away soon"
During this conversation I have also had the smoke alarm go off only to find I have inadvertently turned to stove on to high while trying to scoop up the bird. The pizza box from the night before is still on the stove of course, so it is fully engulfed in flames. I managed to save two pieces of the pizza (thank god) after I threw water on the box. I am just putting out fires left and right!

annoyed by it all

my three year old saying over and over, and yes, over again that she "has an ouchie" It's a travelling ouchie which no medicine can touch. It's an annoying ouchie to which I really want to reply "you want an ouchie? I'll give you an ouchie" But that's just wrong.
My husband who needs to go back to work soon before I hurt him. He's on strike right now and I am ready to drive my station wagon at full speed through the picket line, straight to his classroom, drop him off and back up over all the whining strikers.
my friend (and I use the term incredibly loosely) who is also on strike but keeps saying things like "ya, well the if we are breaking the law then the government should just remember that that black lady sat on the wrong side of the bus and she broke the law too." This is what my children have to look forward to in the public school system? what the fuck? I feel like grabbing her chubby cheeks in my hands and screaming in her face.
cheerios. for exisiting. all over my floor. again.
I guess thats all for now.

climb off

I a getting pretty damn sick of being responsible for the entire household's mood. My every facial expression is being watched in case I make some sort of face that needs addressing by my husband. If I wake up and don't act happy! happy! happy! then all bets are off for the day, and everyone is allowed to be a total wanker. Sometimes it is just easier to be Stepford. Weep quietly in the hankie.