Family reunion 2005

Remember Kim? My cousin who hates me for no reason? Well, in truth, the reason she hates me is because I politely asked her a while back to stop emailing me crazy Christian emails telling me that if I didn't email it to 1500 more friends then god would condemn my soul to eternal hell. I told her I am a Buddhist which is not necessarily true but what the fuck does she know? She's waiting on me to torch some babies and drink goat's blood, the theologian that she is.
So Kim was at this year's version of the family reunion. She was with her parents who still reside somewhere in 1964. Also her husband who we've decided is hot for my husband.
So I see my Uncle and go to give hime a hug and his entire body tenses and a look of horror crosses his face. Why? I don't know. He's a freak, I suppose. But I give him a hug to beat the band baby. And a big kiss too.
I see Kim and I say "HI!" Her response was to brush past me and give me a dirty look. What a beeeeee-otch.
I can only describe her hair as pubic. Yes, the hair on her head, don't be creepy. It's like she back-combed it, then hairsprayed it, then if that wasn't enough abuse, combed the giant matty mess out straight. One two three PUBIC!
She was also wearing no less than 15 crosses on her body. Like a prayer she'll take you there. I had to mention it didn't I? She was wearing them for me I cn only assume. Me and my demons. So I say "Wow! Kim! You sure have a lot of crosses! You must really be religious!"
Another dirty look but at least I deserved it. Then I left her and her family behind the golf course clubhouse, on the tiny concrete slab, chain smoking and whispering about me, and I went for a swim. Quite lovely.

Shut Me Up

My husband's aunt's boyfriend (following?) suddenly died of a stroke a while back. Horrible. So I say to his other aunt "he was so young, what a stroke of bad luck"
How the hell have I made it this far? Why don't I learn from years and years of these sorts of comments?
It's like the time that my mother told the arm-less lady that I would "give her a hand" backing up her car.
Genetic dumbassery.

They got the beat.

Tomorrow I get to go to a 'girl's night' Oh fuck, oh god. Not the 'girl's night'. Back in the day (mid nineties) the girl's night was actually fun. Now it's so fucking boring I'd rather death by rats in my orifices. Well,not really, 'cause I am going. But what else is there to do? Nothing.
My main problem with these evenings of mind numbing boredom is that there is always enough booze to kill off a horse but everyone stays sober enough (except you know who) to drive home. I think it's because one of the 'girl's' is a cops wife and she told me she has no problem turning in her friends for driving drunk. Not that I would but I would take a cab or insist that 17 km is not to fucking far to walk in the mutha-fucking raaaaaaain (while I spill red wine on her new berber)
My husband thinks I should just whip out what appears to be a big bag of coke and have it on the table up for grabs.
Everyone will just tell me how I need to put my kids in daycare and how I need to be more assertive. Then I will assert myself and tell at least one of them that they are fat. Or ugly. Whatever.
It's been a long week ya know?

It's not fair

Some people get to blog for a living. I don't know how this works but it appears that some people get to sit on their asses all day long and just type whatever comes into their mind and that's it. That's what they 'do'. Where do they get the money to go out and do things so they can come back and write about them in a way that you and I would like to read them? I'm hooked on lots of blogs but mostly I only half-read them because I am filled with envy that I am not them.
We are back from our 2 months of spending money we don't really have. We took our darling offspring on a trip to Utah to jump on a trampoline. We didn't take them specifically for that, but's that's all they did. 20 hours in the car for a trampoline. It's was worth it though because it had a cage all around it thus turning it into a toddler cage. We drank wine while they bounced and bounced and bounced and bounced.
We also bought a house and renovated it, moved into it and may one day decide to unpack our belongings.
My husband has gone back to work so we probably won't have to get divorced now.
Lucky us.
Can I just say WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH GEORGE BUSH AND HIS ADMINISTRATION? Really, how the fuck does that guy exist in the position he is in?