Garbage Man

I took my 2 year old to the curb so she could see the garbage truck taking away the garbage. I know what you must be thinking - how in hell can I get this firecrackers address?
Well you can't.
So we watch the garbage truck take away all of our perfectly-fine-but-touched-by- toddler-thus-it-must-be-thrown-away food. As we turn around to go back to trike riding, the garbage man whistles at me. My initial thought was that he must Burt Renyolds and I must be Sally Field circa 1979 but then I thought, no, that isn't right. He must be whistling at his own hunky garbage man outfit. But nooooo, he looked like complete shit so that couldn't be it either. Then it struck me, he's a total wanker. Did he want me to just leave my child and hop aboard his big manly truck? 'Cause I wanted to believe you me.
He was showing his appreciation for the one quarter of a pound I have lost since January right?
I am sure his wife would be so proud. Probably his mom too.

why men are fucktards (in case you are wondering)

because I bought new underware and announced to my always horned-out husband that I was going upstairs to try them on and needed some help (wink wink nudge...you get the point as lame as it happens to be) He doesn't respond because he is watching a really old soccer match in Spanish. So I flash him a little breast. Nothing because old soccer means so much more.
So I go upstairs and watch the new Heidi Klum rip off of Top Model (which by the way, is way less painful than watching Tyra Banks babytalk and tell us about business for an hour. At least Heidi Klum knows that she is simply a tall gorgeous dum-dum) Eventually, soccer boy rolls in and I tell him of my pathetic, self esteem reducing attempts at getting his attention. He apologizes and I figure we will likely get down to business. No no. Our daughter starts to cry in her bed and he tells me that it is just one more excuse to not have sex. Precisely fucktard! I have a remote control that gives her an electric shock to wake her up every time you go up my shirt. My secret is out! I love to make sweet love to the sound of my daughter yelling "I HAVE POOP IN MY DIAPER" With that he launches into the old standard "we only have sex once a month....."

Imagine my arousal.

Thats why men are fucktards.

Life has, I think, gone back to 'normal' around here.

Nana passed away. The race was on between her and the pope but she kicked his ass by a few days. I figure she must have front row seats for his arrival in heaven.The day before she died she asked to see my kids and I and even managed to blow us a kiss with one foot in the grave. It was all very sweet but I am sure it pissed off the rest of the family having her (meaning me) see Nana last. Should have sucked up more loooooosers.

Easter dinner was interesting. We spent it with the Atkins in-laws who proudly announced that "they will be on Atkins forever" Any diet that offers up cheese for breakfast is suspect. Of course the lardos love it, it allows them to gorge themselves on fat in the name of good health.
So Sue, my step-mother-in-law makes a giant dinner and five minutes into it my father-in-law discovers that one of the 500 sinks in their house is backing up a bit. It becomes imperative that he deal with it right then.

Why? We don't know.

So he is rushing around all sweaty with a headlamp on his forehead, shirt half tucked in, ordering my husband under the house to check out this and that. Sister in law is tanked and babbling incoherently about the British and how "they only look like a documentary" ? Her husband is actually sleeping at the table and for some reason we are all acting like this is totally normal.

I love family dinners (other people's more than mine). As my mother would say "no blood in the driveway means a successful family get together".