Rednecks, Drama Queens and Pop Tarts

Remember Kim? She is the really annoying cousin who likes to sing at reunions. Well she is on my sisters shit list which is not a very good place to be.
See my sister, whom I love dearly, loves nothing more than a high drama that she can somehow inject herself and her opinions into. She is not doing this out of spite, she just does this because she thinks it is her responsibility in life. Cops need to be called? Ooohhhh, she likes that. Somebody irrelevant say something about somebody insignificant? Sounds like a job for a mediator (and you know who that is) Somebody having an affair? Time to discuss. She loves things like the Scott and Lacy Peterson case - follows every word and doesn't see the complete exploitation of the whole thing. It's on CNN, it must be news dammit. Are we clear?
Well it seems that at a dear Uncles funeral last week, cousin Kim (please, if you will, imagine the dueling Banjo song playing while reading this) decided it would be a good idea to completely snub my dad and his girlfriend. It wasn't just Kim, it was her parents and her brother and all the spouses too, but I like to blame Kim for things. My dad and his gal are good people and pretty into the family thing. My dad is the kind of guy who gets super pissed off if anyone talks during the national anthem. I forgot to mention that these people are all Americans which is important to the story as far as imagining their thick (and oddly fake) southern accents. So my dad is really sad at the lack of respect for my Uncle but tries to take the higher ground and says nothing. Well nothing doin! My sister immediately composed a stunning email to Kimmy consisting of bad feelings from10 years ago, wild accusations, demands of apologies and a basic smack down of their entire side of the family. I am loving it. I know I shouldn't egg her on but I can't help but say things like "ya, and do you remember the time Tom almost killed us in his Mustang?"
Tom is Kim's brother. He is, honestly, the creepiest looser I have ever met. He is a high-functioning chimp at best. Once, we were at a restaurant and he ordered up toast and proceeded to pour little honey packets all over his toast until it was floating. Then he yelled at the waitress for too much honey on his toast. He's a freak, I am telling you. He was working as a security guard driving around and his guard car broke down. So he went home and went to bed. In the middle of his shift. Well the car was broken down for god sake, what else was he to do? He also used to hit on me and my sister. Creep factor 50.
So now we have a down home family feud in the works and let me tell you, I am popping popcorn right now and getting all settled in for the show.
I know this story is going nowhere, I just wanted to tell you about my sister and my other cousin.
I have referenced pop tarts in the title as The Kim and Tom's always had every single kind of pop tart in their cupboards to choose from for breakfast. They also drank at least one Coke each per meal. Including breakfast.