It figures (ines)

In my husbands family there is Nana who is the queen, Flo who is the Princess and Kerri who is the mini-princess.
Case in point.
While visitng Flo one time Kerri and her lap dog..er..husband came to visit as well. After a busy day of tight lip passive aggression (and folding of accident undies) I got my beasts into their pajamas. At the bottom of the stairs I could see upstairs into the laundry room where Flo was washing my husbands already clean clothes. Kerri came out of the bedroom, walked down the hall and said to Flo in the babiest of baby voices "I got my jammies on too mommy" to which flo replied "Ohhhh Kerri you look so beautiful, that colour really brings out your eyes" Kerri had pigtails in and everything. Kerri is 29.
This is not stuff I am making up okay.
I honestly thought they were going to lean in and start necking. It was creepy. Did you see William Shatner on the Golden Globes the other night? When he lunged at, and frenched kissed his date, with those giant wet lips and oversized tongue? It was creepy like that. So I am watching this mother and daughter porn going on up the stairs and I'm seriously wondering when the camera crew is going to jump out with Alan Funt (or whatever his name is) It was pretty funny stuff actually not that anyone will believe it's a true story.

So Nana. She is nearing 100 and sharp as a whip. She hates all women and really doesn't bother to try and hide it. Once she practically broke my wrist at the dinner table because I was trying to pass the buns to the left instead of the right. You know, I didn't know that because I was raised by wolves on welfare. I don't care that she dislikes me so visiting is no biggie.
Nana collects Hummel figurines. If, you too, were raised by poor wolves you won't know that they are German figures of creepy little kids doing various things. Like ice skating, picking flowers and what have you. These figurines are super expensive. In this precious family there is a Hummel to represent each member and everyone is expected to purchase and finely wrap the Hummel for Nana. So two years ago Flo starts in on us about buying Nana a freaking Hummel. She wants us to get one that represents both of our daughters. I was forced to point out that there isn't a Hummel for me. I just give birth to family members after long stays in the hospital - I don't actually get to be a member. Nevermind that we have new twins on one income - the old lady needs a dust collector! So Flo nags us until my very accomodating husband goes downtown on his day off (or should I say OUR day off) to search out Hummels. He calls me from the Birks counter and says "oh honey, I found a really nice one for only $375." smart ass. We bought her dish clothes instead (I told you I don't make this stuff up) Again this past Christmas she started in. Flo mailed me the flyers and signed me up on website to be part of the Hummel Club. Sweetie.
We just aren't going to do it but we thought it would be funny if, when Nana dies, we rush to claim the biggest four Hummels as our representations.